November 11th, 2010 
judowolf 
Small things like lighting a cigarette jog my memory, and this time it brought forth Lloyd a lung cancer patient.
Lloyd was a married retired blue-collar worker, who started smoking at age nine, and recently quit on doctor’s orders. His physician informed him the combination of the chemo and not smoking would extend his life. The pills the doctor prescribed to help with the nicotine urge were of little use, and he thought about smoking all the time. He felt naked without his smokes, wondered if a couple a day would harm his situation, but needed something to help the withdrawal, as he was driving his wife crazy. Then Lloyd asked would it be all right to smoke when the craving became overpowering. I replied it was up to him but his decision may cause a conflict with his physician.
Lloyd became pensive for a few moments and replied; giving up smoking is the hardest thing I have done in my life, over the past days I have contemplated my situation and am no longer afraid of dying. Reaching into the draw, he extracted a pack of cigarettes, lit one up, inhaled deeply, blew a smoke ring, and began coughing. When his breath returned, a broad smile unfolded across his face and he said; the horses are long gone and closing the barn doors now is a waste of time. Lloyd was telling me he had enough, his disease was to far along, and he might as well enjoy his remaining time, as he would never find the horses.
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